Board Balancing Comedian T-Shirts

Skateboard wheel balancing

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'The 'meows' have it...'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

"Carl, let me start off by saying I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you as a full-fledged human being."

"Sir, your greed is showing."

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

'Would you believe it took 60 people and a half a million dollars to come up with that?'