Blue-day Buddy Pillows

"For some reason I just feel a little 'blue' today!"

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"Congratulations, Amruk. You prove they do exist."

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

"I'm not napping yet, but I am getting ready to with a pre-nap warm up."

Bike Rides

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

'Just for once, can't we have a picnic without your mates turning up to crawl all over the food?'

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

'A bed just isn't the same without a person in it.'

"Some day, we should bait our hooks."

'I don't mind him sleeping on our bed but why must he wear MY pyjamas?'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Well dudes, gotta go. My honey needs a lot of attention."

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

"All yours, Buddy. I'm ALREADY living on house money."

"Jim, just put that hole behind you."

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"When it takes longer to wash your face, you're getting bald."

'I guess the transplant went ok - I just got a love letter from my new liver!'

Signs you may be friends with a sheep....

Old School Mustaches

This here's my kitty! I call er Whiskers!

'This plumber you recommended...mate of yours, is he?'

"The depth of your wrongness is so deep that it is unknowable."

You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies? I said "If you spend a year working out." Well, in this past year, I've run 18,000 miles and burned tens of thousands of calories. Accidentally leaving your phone's pedometer on all year doesn't count, little buddy. You didn't say that beforehand. Loophole. Maybe next year.

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

Flower power.

Contrary to popular belief... pigs are very clean animals!

"What are we doing today?"

"I don’t know, Phil … my gut tells me she’ll drive you nuts."