Bloodline Explorer Gifts

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"I shop, therefore I am."

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'I'm a SNOOOW-Man,...doo-doot-doo-doo, doo-doot-doo-doo, I'm a SNOOOW-Man!...'

Frankenstein's Ancestry

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

'I wish I were your age again, and knew what I know now.'

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

Gene Manipulation

"We're using genetic engineering to modify the molecular structure of a plant's natural cellulose. We convert selected parts of the plant into plastic!"

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

Maps of the Human Genome

'There's no stigma in being brought up by apes - I was an adopted child too.'

Genetic Research and Engineering Department (sign has 6 fingers)

'I blog, therefore I am.'

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

"Well, it certainly looks like your DNA. How many times have I told you to wear gloves before touching anything?"

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

"Admittedly, our research went astray but getting more funding should be easier now."

'It's not supposed to be a triple helix, is it?'

How?

'Pencil for Cartoonists.'

"He doesn't look like you at all."

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

'They're not testing drugs on us - they're testing us. We're transgenic.'