Blog-loving Humorist Pillows

"I should tell you this transaction is being recorded, and may appear on my blog."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trappist Monk Discord

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'What does it say, Dad?'

HELLth Food Sprouts

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Clone Factory

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"Inactivists"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

Trump Tariffs

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

Prescription Drugs '96.

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

"It's ironic. It looks like you're here because you're such a bad cartoonist."

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."

'Oh my God!! The economy's in ruins! There's no money!'