Blogger Humorist Pillows

'In the future I see much spam and many people with a blog.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Man runs into Bigfoot taking a selfie.

"Did you get my tweet?"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

"She looks just like in your photos."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Chasebook

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

Twitter that!

Advertising on the internet.

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Facebook For Dogs.

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

"Just right click, save as, and now you own the complete works of William Shakespeare."

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.