Blocked Scribbler Gifts

"You'd better come up with something that will sell - or else. I hope that was helpful."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

When Cells Divide

'Anorak anoraks'.

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

Information booth attendant solves equation

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

'If you don't learn how to sign your name, you'll have to pay cash!'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'Ms. Shelby, I think you're spinning out of control.'

'Tax.'

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

Bird Watching with Binoculars

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Hans Holbein

Will Self deprecation

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

How to create a brilliant cartoon

"This was Professor Brunzberg's office. He spent half his life trying to solve this equation and the other half he has spent wondering who actually cares about this crap."

'They've agreed to our 3-book, 7-figure offer, but only if you remain obscene and obnoxious through book 2.'

Writer’s Corner

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

'I remember my pin but I've forgotten my signature!'

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

"I decided to burn all my previous napkins and start fresh."