Blind Date Humorist Gifts

"Ooh, this one sounds interesting, 'Single, vegetarian, bulbous, with moves like a lava lamp'."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

'You and Phil make a great couple. You're perfect for each other!'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Wow! This was sure one heck of a blind date!"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Your profile said you were a dog."

"On the internet nobody knows you're a dog, but in person..."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"A high forhead can often be a sign that they've stolen a really big brain."

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"To be honest, I'm a little surprised the dating service matched us up."

Gee, this is my lucky night. You see, when it comes to women, I'm not a leg man; I'm not a breast man; I'm a punctuation man. ! !

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

First Date

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

"I guess I misunderstood when you said you were a 'fan dancer.'"

"I've always been attracted to small architectural details."

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

'You must be Olivia.'

"...Now they're playing tape number 7710K. It starts with Johnny Mathis hits arranged for strings and woodwind, then goes on to Mister Henry Mancini. After that..."

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"So tell me again where you're from."

Are you sure that's not your age?

Dan, Carla's interests include brooding over failed relationships and fending off her mother's pleas for grandchildren. Carla, Dan is terrified of commitment and has a negative bank balance."

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

Despite wanting to date a man who was 'young at heart', Beryl couldn't help but feel a little disappointed with her blind date.