Blind Date Comedian Gifts

"On your profile you said you weren't very confident about your looks!"

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

'You and Phil make a great couple. You're perfect for each other!'

"Wow! This was sure one heck of a blind date!"

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Your profile said you were a dog."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"A high forhead can often be a sign that they've stolen a really big brain."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"On the internet nobody knows you're a dog, but in person..."

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"To be honest, I'm a little surprised the dating service matched us up."

"I guess I misunderstood when you said you were a 'fan dancer.'"

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"I've always been attracted to small architectural details."

"You know that on-line romance you've been carryin' on? Well this here's Samantha!"

Gee, this is my lucky night. You see, when it comes to women, I'm not a leg man; I'm not a breast man; I'm a punctuation man. ! !

Tunnel of lurve

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

Dan, Carla's interests include brooding over failed relationships and fending off her mother's pleas for grandchildren. Carla, Dan is terrified of commitment and has a negative bank balance."

'Yes, I did agree to a double date. However, taking two women out at the same time isn't what I expected!'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"So tell me again where you're from."

Are you sure that's not your age?

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"Ooh, this one sounds interesting, 'Single, vegetarian, bulbous, with moves like a lava lamp'."

Despite wanting to date a man who was 'young at heart', Beryl couldn't help but feel a little disappointed with her blind date.

'You must be Olivia.'

"...Now they're playing tape number 7710K. It starts with Johnny Mathis hits arranged for strings and woodwind, then goes on to Mister Henry Mancini. After that..."

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'Hey, what is this? You said tall, dark and handsome!'