Bleacher Buddies Gifts

'Run, Dewey! When he regains consciousness, he'll charge the mound for sure!'

'Bad hop! Walk it off, babe, walk it off.'

'It never fails. Every time we go to a game, we get stuck sitting in front of an idiot with some kind of noisemaker.'

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

'Anderson! On this team we slap hands or slap fannies after someone scores a run. We do not slap faces.'

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

Fan-Centric Stadium

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

'Both benches have emptied, and now the brawl is spreading to the spectators!'

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

'I hired a local guide. He knows every square inch of this stadium...'

'Time out!'

'My pitcher needs to get fired up by the home crowd. Pass the collection basket.'

Bad Knees.

Stadium usher of the month.

'Yo, Bob! I think a heckler just nailed me with something. What's on my back?'

Dugout sale!

'Just made a pass. I'm running for the end zone.'

American Sports Idol.

Benchwarmer coach.

'Son, that was just a white lie to get you to come with me ... They don't really hand out 3-D glasses at the ballpark.'

Sawmill workers league

'I told you these were great seats, but there is a downside. If you need to go to the restroom...'

'Pass this down, please.'

'We lost everything - hot dogs, popcorn, game programs, an order of nachos. Got out of our seats with just the clothes on our backs, but we're both OK, and that's what matters most.'

Players from both teams charge into the seats and grab the belligerent fan.

'Attaboy, Dewey! Three up and three down!'

Warning: adopt players as role models at your own risk...