Bleacher Banterists Gifts

'Nice catch, idiot!'

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

'Anderson! On this team we slap hands or slap fannies after someone scores a run. We do not slap faces.'

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

Fan-Centric Stadium

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

'Time out!'

'Both benches have emptied, and now the brawl is spreading to the spectators!'

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

'No way, man! Murphy isn't worth anywhere near the 3.5 million they're paying him!'

'My pitcher needs to get fired up by the home crowd. Pass the collection basket.'

"You mock, sir—you mock a sport storied and beloved. I, sir, pity you."

Bad Knees.

The world of Freudian slips...

How to show some hustle.

Stadium usher of the month.

'Yo, Bob! I think a heckler just nailed me with something. What's on my back?'

Dugout sale!

'Just made a pass. I'm running for the end zone.'

'Let's keep a tight rein on this game. Emotions are running hight.'

American Sports Idol.

Benchwarmer coach.

A young man replying cheekily to an older gentleman

'Nothing yet? Try jigging the lure up and down. Man, you should've been here two days ago. I must have caught and released a dozen pedestrians. My arms are still sore...'

'What'd I miss?'

'Son, that was just a white lie to get you to come with me ... They don't really hand out 3-D glasses at the ballpark.'

'Attaboy, Dewey! Three up and three down!'

Warning: adopt players as role models at your own risk...

'What's the score?'

Sawmill workers league