Blackmail Connoisseur Gifts

Vlad the Impala

"How was prom?"

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

Flo discovered that one perk of cancer is that people treat her like a queen.

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

"Ordered fifty-eight days ago and it's here already!"

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

'The U.S. of A. - Guarantor for freedom, humanity and democracy!'

A postal worker opens a bag of air mail.

Her brother's on the building opposite with an M16.

"Y formerly Department of Government Efficiency"

'He's our Spam expert!'

No use trying to die with dignity. Death always shows up and spoils everything.

'Now that's what I call a worthy cause.'

Mafia Marriage Guidance

"Why is humor your only defense mechanism?"

"Give me first chair or I tell everyone that you're unwinding with bro country."

"I know where the bodies are buried. I buried them."

The Post Office Is... Forever

'I'm only here to pep up my autobiography.'

'I stuck up a bank once. I should've taken out a loan.'

'Does anyone have experience operating this thing?' 'MOI!'

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

'And to his son, he has left his Leprosy.'

"Mmm, Spam."

"If you still want to belong to an organization dedicated to killing Americans, there's always the tobacco lobby."

'Plus an additional 5% handling charge for the cash!'

'Sign this non-disclosure agreement ? I'm going to use a secret recipe.'

"The subject on the e-mail is 'Woof" any idea who it's from?"

"You call it partial cannibalism. We call it portion control."

"What will it take to put one of you two into a brand-new Eterna-5000 today?"

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'