Blackmail Connoisseur Mugs

Boss, the health inspector is here. Excellent. My hacker just finished restoring all the inspector's social media posts dating back to 1994. Tell him "It'd be a shame if someone's career were ruined by a 20-year-old video of him doing the Macarena in the buff." Don't wink too much. But not too little, either. Very bad man.

Vlad the Impala

"How was prom?"

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

Flo discovered that one perk of cancer is that people treat her like a queen.

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"Ordered fifty-eight days ago and it's here already!"

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

"Y formerly Department of Government Efficiency"

'The U.S. of A. - Guarantor for freedom, humanity and democracy!'

Her brother's on the building opposite with an M16.

A postal worker opens a bag of air mail.

'He's our Spam expert!'

No use trying to die with dignity. Death always shows up and spoils everything.

'Now that's what I call a worthy cause.'

"Why is humor your only defense mechanism?"

Mafia Marriage Guidance

The Post Office Is... Forever

'I'm only here to pep up my autobiography.'

'I stuck up a bank once. I should've taken out a loan.'

"Give me first chair or I tell everyone that you're unwinding with bro country."

"I know where the bodies are buried. I buried them."

'Does anyone have experience operating this thing?' 'MOI!'

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

"Dear Santa, The cookies were made with laxatives. If you give me the bike I want, I'll give you the key to the bathroom door. Love, Jimmy."

'And to his son, he has left his Leprosy.'

'Plus an additional 5% handling charge for the cash!'

"If you still want to belong to an organization dedicated to killing Americans, there's always the tobacco lobby."

"Mmm, Spam."

'Sign this non-disclosure agreement ? I'm going to use a secret recipe.'

"What will it take to put one of you two into a brand-new Eterna-5000 today?"

"The subject on the e-mail is 'Woof" any idea who it's from?"

"You call it partial cannibalism. We call it portion control."