Biz Whiz Humorist Gifts

"If the new marketing campaign, the new business concept and the new sales strategy doesn't work we still have plan B: We sacrifice a goat."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Spot the difference.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Any questions?"

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"It lost a little something in translation."

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'