Birth Planning Strategists T-Shirts

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

Grounded

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

"Keep my fingers crossed! Is that it?"

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"When can I redeploy?"

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"Irma, cancel all my appointments for the next 3 weeks, I need to go home to brood. Tell the board to only contact me on my mobile phone..."

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

Already overworked at the Vlasic Plant, an exhausted stork shatters a young couple's dreams,

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"My dad put in a new security system."

'When mom went to work for us, did you ask for references?'

"I've got him on vibrate."

"One moment, sweetie, I'm just asking Google how I should react."

"Baldo! Pick him up!"

"Don't think of it as being grounded. Think of it as suffering the consequences of your monumental stupidity."