Parenthood Strategists T-Shirts

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

Baby pram as a tank

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Grounded

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

Toys in the DVD Player.

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

"When can I redeploy?"

'You know, it's amazing what having a child costs you when you add it all up.'

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

Maternity Arrivals

How Moms explain.

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

"Are we there yet?"

"He seems to be a bit of a crybaby."

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

'Evan, I think your little sister may be trapped in there with you!. . . Jennifer! Are you in there, honey?'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"My dad put in a new security system."

'When mom went to work for us, did you ask for references?'

Baby Wind Up.

"I hate to be a dream snatcher but your baby is going to be just average."