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'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"This ought to keep the kids busy for a while."

"They can't see us if we don't move."

'Why should I pick up all this stuff? You bought it!'

'Don't ask for anything.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

'Mouthbrooding certainly saves on childcare...'

Grounded

"We're hoping he gets into Harvard, but drops out before graduating to become a technology billionaire."

Super-Papi moves swiftly to defeat the evil Electronico!

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"Ah...here they are!"

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

The modern generation!

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."