Parenting Strategy Analyst T-Shirts

'I'm not sure that this degree of competition is entirely healthy.'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Grounded

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"Now you know how Daddy feels when Mommy overdraws the checkbook."

A boy and his spin patrol.

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"When can I redeploy?"

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

Beware of teething baby.

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

'If you fuss over him all the time and make his life too comfortable, he'll never leave!'

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

'I'm not so sure I'm a problem child. Maybe you're a problem parent.'

'My own debit card would really be a great way to teach me the value of a dollar.'

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

'We now feel it's best that baby keeps her security blanket until she's old enough for a cell phone.'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

'No need to make a judgement, King Solomon, we can run a DNA test.'

'When mom went to work for us, did you ask for references?'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"My dad put in a new security system."

'No we are not there yet, we're just leaving our drive!'

"I've got him on vibrate."