Billable Hour Critic Gifts

'I'm off to the loo....I'll be back in £270!'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

'I think the global banking sector, drunk on years of excessive bonuses, may need a little more than your 'very angry' T-shirt to make them toe the line.'

The economy doctor

"We will create 12,000 new jobs...but we only need 4,000 new employees because on these salaries they'll need three jobs each to make a living!"

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"Caption: we work in an office; however, we have dressed for the circus. What a humorous mixup."

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

Typical...You don't see one for weeks then they all arrive together.'

'There are some subjects that are off limits...CEO bonuses...Overtime pay...Business ethics...'

'Hang on!...You don't expect me to swallow that as well!'

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

'I wish you'd put the heater back on Frank! Even the wall ducks have gone somewhere warmer!'

Inflating assets to get a loan. Too poor to pay taxes

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

'I think we should form a committee to look into this 'individual initiative' thing.'

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

'And best of all - no hidden clauses!'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

"No, no. The contract I signed was of the non-binding kind."

"Of course under the new contract 24 hour cover will be optional, you could also opt to do 36 or 48 hours a day!"

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'

A. Einstein. E = MC2. Yes, I do space-time research, but that doesn't mean I know how to get you out of your timeshare contract.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of an organization advocating the overthrow of the generous executive bonus system in corporations?

"Incentive program, you mean like your paycheck?"

Welcome to Stupidity Night, Pay Full Price and Get In Free.

'The contract is very clear. You're free to go once the project's completed.'

Bar Code Harvester