Bill Payer Extraordinaire Gifts

"I don't see why all the sudden fuss. For us the mortgage crisis is a monthly event."

'Ahh bills . . . Have you ever heard the expression, 'kill the messenger'.'

'Hope you don't mind...because it's the holiday season, I've written 'Happy New Year' where the amount should be.'

Profit

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

I drive, therefore I am.

Excess

Attack of the 50 foot administrative professional.

In and out, in and out, in and out...

"Don't forget to click 'Reply All.'"

A man on a desert island has an inbox and outbox both filled with sand.

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

Weather prediction is guesswork.

'Fuel efficiency? I get about three times around the block on a peanut butter sandwich.'

'My expense account isn't what it used to be. So for lunch I'm taking you fishing, and we'll eat what we catch.'

Never marry the girl next door: 'I know you better than you know yourself!'

"It's from eBay! I won a cigarette lighter for a 1964 Chevy Impala. I make my dreams come true one bid at a time."

Air catarrh.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure you're single-handedly keeping the U.S. postal service in business."

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

PANIC!

'Get Rich' Stock Brokers and 'Get Even' Attorney-at-law.

Man cutting his son out of his will and sending his valuable paintings to the blind asylum

'Could I check my email?'

"It's something from the gas company. Don't they know it takes more than bold red font, to move me to respond. I need to be wooed, fawned over. After all, I'm more than a checkbook."

'Let's wait for the next one -- they're packed in like sardines in there.'

Man trying to find seat on a crowded train

Online auction.

'For two days this week, everything went as promised.'

'Hey darling, I shall be late, missed the gravy train!'

Dual Fuel Bill in Hell

Billy strip: paying bills with a smile.

"Try honking again."

"No, I paid the electric bill."