Old-school Bill Payer Gifts

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure you're single-handedly keeping the U.S. postal service in business."

This is a 'text book' it's a bit like a website but printed on paper.

Gen-Next Library

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"I want one of those. He takes notes and DOODLES at the same time."

The Final Chapter.

'When I was told our new computer was going to be state of the art, no one mentioned it was state of the art in 1954.'

'He's not a 'bad' phone. He's just not a 'smart' phone.'

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

The Club

How can you read that comic strip Blondie? Its about a kinder, simpler time. It's about ancient history. They do the same material over and over. Exactly. I can count on it. Not like your stupid Pearls and Get fuzzy. Oooh, look how angry and edgy they are. They're sooo clever! Your whole gig is being angry and edgy. Look, I'm setting Candorville on fire.

"Books are tricky. You can't text with a text book and you can't call with a phone book!"

'Oh darling, it is not an ibook, it is only a book.'

"There's a rumor going around that the 90's are back."

"I'm impressed! Junior actually asked to use our old-fashioned dictionary!"

"Eugene is retro. He thinks everything was better in low-def and black and white."

"When was this license issued?"

"Get a computer?! Do I look as though I have room in here for a computer?"

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'Lost your kindle in the cab? Try my outdated destined-for-extinction, low-priced print edition.'

"Actually, I'm sitting here reading a book—just to see if I can still do it."

"Come on. I always browse the Mom and Pop stores before buying online."

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

"It's your Grandpa's version of keeping up with technology...reading the papers online."

A Sweeping Reform.

'I feel useless: My Master has cancelled his newspaper subscription and reads his news online now...'

"So dad, you do know all that stuff happened yesterday, right?"

'Hope you don't mind...because it's the holiday season, I've written 'Happy New Year' where the amount should be.'

"It's something from the gas company. Don't they know it takes more than bold red font, to move me to respond. I need to be wooed, fawned over. After all, I'm more than a checkbook."

"But, Dad, burglary's so last-century. You need to retrain in internet fraud."

'You can swipe it as many times as you like, but that's not how a book works.'

Traditional ale,Traditional Drunk

'A flip chart presentation? How quaint.'