Bill Doubters Pillows

'I Thought you paid the bills LAST month.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

"Siri, are you out of your mind?!"

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

'I'd like to get back to nature...'

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

'Never, ever give the benefit of doubt to a Brussells sprout.'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Your 'businessman's lunch' was $9.95, sir, but I had to add a 'fair share' surcharge."

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

'Is this a trick question?'

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

I'm sorry I couldn't come up with a reason for you to live, Al. I blame it on the fact that I got my medical degree from Trump University.

"Your bill includes a 10% surcharge that goes towards raising awareness of the rampant overcharging in the legal fraternity."

"No, I'm sorry Geoff. I still can't remember you ever having a six pack there."

"This paleo diet is a lot of work. Maybe we should eat grains."

"Hmmm, not sure I trust that kale."

"I'm skipping straight to a second opinion, in the first one, I thought you were OK."

'Apparently, just because we took out a mortgage, the bank now expects us to make some sort of monthly payment.'

'Quick, Lassie, our credit cards are maxed! Get help!'

"I'm looking over you chart and I see you've gained 30 pounds. I thought you went on a diet!"

'Social media? There's nothing social about it!'

'Blindly following market trends generally works for me, but when it doesn't, I blame computer trading.'

'When you told me to refuse second helpings you said nothing about third,fourth or fifth helpings.'

Information. 2nd. Opinion.

"But I'm not well yet."

Karate and Judo: 'Will one lesson be enough to get more housekeeping from my hubbie?'

'Something with a lot of memory -- I need it to figure out my phone bill.'

'...You haven't paid your cable bill'

"And who gave you the first opinion? Facebook, Twitter or Whatsapp?"

"You wanted me to go to that small college..they've gone out of business, and me degree was recalled."

"They're books, Dad needs them for reading."