Degree Doubters Pillows

"You wanted me to go to that small college..they've gone out of business, and me degree was recalled."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

Day one, post grad

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Welcome! University of Hard Knocks...Where common sense is better than smarts!

"May I remind you that I'm still in charge here, Baskin. And when I say, 'Jump,' you say, 'How many floors.'"

"Siri, are you out of your mind?!"

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

'I didn't know 'Businessish Management' was something you could get a degree in.'

'I'm sorry - Mr. Jenkins, MBA, PhD, MD, Esq. is O.U.T.'

I'm sorry I couldn't come up with a reason for you to live, Al. I blame it on the fact that I got my medical degree from Trump University.

"No, I'm sorry Geoff. I still can't remember you ever having a six pack there."

'Thanks, I started collecting diplomas when I was seven.'

"You put PhD on birth certificate?!" "It's never to early to give em an advantage."

"This paleo diet is a lot of work. Maybe we should eat grains."

WHEW!

"I'm skipping straight to a second opinion, in the first one, I thought you were OK."

"Well, that's one in the eye for doubting Thomas!"

Glad-You-Ation

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

"Son, I'm proud of you! You're the fiest in the family to study and wear a tie at work!"

"There's no way in hell this is what it's all about."

'FOR THIS I WENT TO COLLEGE?'

'I think educated guesses are useless; they're nothing but I-don't-knows with a degree.'

'When you told me to refuse second helpings you said nothing about third,fourth or fifth helpings.'

"I'm looking over you chart and I see you've gained 30 pounds. I thought you went on a diet!"

'Social media? There's nothing social about it!'

'She said the Skeptic's Club has been disbanded due to doubts about the leadership, but I don't buy that baloney for one minute.'