Bill-conscious Gourmet Gifts

'Sir, one waiter is enough to bring the meals, but it takes two to carry the bill.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Cat eating fish from fishbowl.

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'Today the Yuan rose against the pork belly, the chicken beak, the eel, the wanton, and the egg noodle.'

'Before we unload him, he'd like a written price support.'

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.

"What wine goes well with £5.52p?"

'No, that is not a balanced diet.'

Chicago School of Home Economics

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

Chinese Novel Cookie

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'Don't overdo the mustard, sir -- we're trying to control costs around here.'

The four major food groups.

"The portions here are so small, thank goodness there's a food bank around the corner."

Sam's Nation Building

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

Lunch Broker

Picasso paints AND eats like a child!

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

"It's a new way to stretch leftovers. Saw it in Homeopathy Now."

Deep in the heart of the one-star restaurant district...'Guess what you're eating buffet!'

Senior Brand Name Medicine Cabinet

"Well if bread's free, and gravy's free, how about bread and gravy?"

"Everyone, stop looking delicious. The vegans are back and that tofurkey jerky won't keep them back much longer."

"Tonight, I feel like eating something controversial."