Bill Breakdown Aficionado T-Shirts

"It's a quote from the builder, he says that the $2000 will just cover the cost of him coming over to laugh at us!"

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"I'm as progressive as they come, except for my money. No one touches my money."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"Today we're going to talk about lowering the drawbridge."

I am billing, therefore I am.

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

"I charge by the grain."

'I wish you'd put the heater back on Frank! Even the wall ducks have gone somewhere warmer!'

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

'Your check to 'Hooters' bounced, ironically enought.'

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

The entrées were $30 each. The extra $15 is for all that damn fresh pepper you made me grind!

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

Duel Fuel?

I don't think we need to resort to medication to help your insomnia...An hour with my accountant should do the trick...Accountancy doesn't NEED to be DULL!

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

'I've solved the problem of oil or gas heat...We can't afford either.'

"Separate checks as always, Dr Jekyll."

'I'm looking for legal advice.' 'Don't get involved with lawyers. That will be £75.'

'...Okay...so who had the thirteen bottles of Chardonnay?'

'How goes the billing?'

'. . . And Keith magically had to go to the bathroom right when the bill arrives. . . why do I always have to pay the lion's share?'

"Penny for your thoughts? I'm a solicitor, it'll cost you five hundred!"

Any more rude letters from you and yours won't even go into the shuffle.

Caution! Peak power and electric bill shock possible.

"Our gas bill's been levelled up."

"Hi everyone, and welcome to this TED talk on how not to run a business. . ."

'Oh, you mean that last fee! We just threw that one in to evenly balance the two columns.'

"He's something new. Our phone bill now has a monthly stub perforation fee."

My mobile phone bill keeps giving me headaches every time I get the bill!

Society for Asking Stupid Questions