Quirky Billing Aficionado T-Shirts

"I charge by the grain."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

I am billing, therefore I am.

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

'She files things on a biblical basis. Seek and ye shall find.'

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

"You'll be out of here before you know it. Our auditor just went over your financial situation."

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

'Here, check it by processing my bill.'

"Oh, the doctor does keep up. He gets accounting magazines on the latest billing methods."

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

Lawyer Meditating over the Happy Thought of Billable Hours.

"Skip parts A through H and fill out the I, O and U ones!"

From "The Letters Of Jeffrey Flanders and Tip-Top Utility"

"Separate checks as always, Dr Jekyll."

'You may march to a different drummer, but you still have to pay the same piper.'

'How goes the billing?'

"Penny for your thoughts? I'm a solicitor, it'll cost you five hundred!"

'I must warn you; reading your bill may cause heart palpitations,cold sweat,stomach cramps,nausea...'

'You can't count your litter box as a deduction just because you do your business there.'

'A second opinion? All right, but I charge double for that.'

'Look at the bright side, Wiggins. You have the perfect portfolio for someone who doesn't like to pay for any taxes.'

We use all the latest painless procedures, so now a visit only hurts at the end when you get the bill.

"It's a quote from the builder, he says that the $2000 will just cover the cost of him coming over to laugh at us!"

'Oh, you mean that last fee! We just threw that one in to evenly balance the two columns.'

My mobile phone bill keeps giving me headaches every time I get the bill!

Post Office. People seem to be reading a lot more these days --- I get a lot of letters that start out "In going over my books