Biking Gifts

Two wheels good, four wheels bad.

"What an amazing view!"

"I'm sorry, but shouldn't there be an apostrophe in that?"

Old biker with a zimmer frame.

'Oh course!'

"Big day, Haskins. The training wheels come off.",

"Take some identification with you in case you die."

'This hill is tough going.' - 'I'd better keep the brake on in case we go backwards.'

'How sweet, he's smiling. He must be dreaming about me.' (Man is dreaming about a motorbike).

'What is recycling?'

'Your Letter of Recommendation from the outlaw biker gang, the Devil's Serpents, was certainly complimentary...but it does raise other questions.'

'Good grief, Mary! That was a close one!'

"I shaved my entire body and spent $2,600 on lighter bike components. Guess who's riding .04 miles per hour faster now?"

"You're still a mod, I'm still a rocker!" (Brighton Rest Home).

When not racing, most elite cyclists walk around in a peloton to cut down on wind resistance.

'Soiling your pants every time you ride your bike fast isn't a medical condition. It's probably a mixture of fear and excitement.'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

'What do you mean you were having so much fun riding with your buddies you lost track of time? You were supposed to be home over a year ago!'

Penny farthing dreaming of mountain bike

'Mountain goats are soft.'

Vicar with a cross on his cycle helmet

Carrying a bike over drawing pins.

Cyclist with stuck seat.

'My wife bought me this helmet when I told her I was buying a bike. She's a little over protective.'

Policeman Falling Off Bicycle

Tattoos sagging with time

Tour de Pothole.

Tandem Stoker Not Pedaling.

Dear, could I suggest one small change for our next custom built tandem?

'My new security system vaporizes anyone who gets too close to my bike. I'm going to miss Jim.'

"Goodbye, Kevin. I could look the other way with the boozing and the skirt-chasing, but I did not sign up for bicycle clothes."

' . . . and if hired I promise not to wear clothes that accentuate my skin art.'

'Relax, it's just like riding a rollercoaster.'

'It must have been the fork in the road.'

"It was green when I went through it."