Biking Gifts

Two wheels good, four wheels bad.

"What an amazing view!"

"For goodness sake, dear, it's only an electric bicycle."

"I'm sorry, but shouldn't there be an apostrophe in that?"

Old biker with a zimmer frame.

'Oh course!'

"Big day, Haskins. The training wheels come off.",

"Take some identification with you in case you die."

'This hill is tough going.' - 'I'd better keep the brake on in case we go backwards.'

'Your Letter of Recommendation from the outlaw biker gang, the Devil's Serpents, was certainly complimentary...but it does raise other questions.'

'How sweet, he's smiling. He must be dreaming about me.' (Man is dreaming about a motorbike).

'What is recycling?'

'Good grief, Mary! That was a close one!'

"You're still a mod, I'm still a rocker!" (Brighton Rest Home).

"I shaved my entire body and spent $2,600 on lighter bike components. Guess who's riding .04 miles per hour faster now?"

'The test results are in. The tightness in your chest and numbness in your extremities are caused by the biking outfit you're wearing.'

'Soiling your pants every time you ride your bike fast isn't a medical condition. It's probably a mixture of fear and excitement.'

When not racing, most elite cyclists walk around in a peloton to cut down on wind resistance.

'Mountain goats are soft.'

Vicar with a cross on his cycle helmet

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

'What do you mean you were having so much fun riding with your buddies you lost track of time? You were supposed to be home over a year ago!'

Carrying a bike over drawing pins.

Penny farthing dreaming of mountain bike

Tandem Stoker Not Pedaling.

Tattoos sagging with time

Policeman Falling Off Bicycle

'My wife bought me this helmet when I told her I was buying a bike. She's a little over protective.'

Cyclist with stuck seat.

Dear, could I suggest one small change for our next custom built tandem?

Tour de Pothole.

'My new security system vaporizes anyone who gets too close to my bike. I'm going to miss Jim.'

' . . . and if hired I promise not to wear clothes that accentuate my skin art.'

"Goodbye, Kevin. I could look the other way with the boozing and the skirt-chasing, but I did not sign up for bicycle clothes."

'It must have been the fork in the road.'