Bike Security Buff Pillows

'I don't have a lock! I hate to leave my bike unlocked overnight!'

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

"On your left."

'What the … ? How did those thugs get into my car?'

'He's made an eco-friendly bamboo bike... unfortunately all the tomato plants have fallen down.'

'It's just what I always wanted!'

'I need a really loud horn. My brakes are a bit spongy.'

"Howard's gone on the Tour de France without his bicycle again."

A man with a deflated bicycle stands in line at the tire inflator.

Tour de France champ Fausto Coppi

Tetracycline: Bicycle built for 4 organisms.'

"I'm bored: Let's go and swoop over cyclists' heads and scare the heck out of them..."

'Before you say it's got some old parts, remember that you repaired it last time.'

How you can tell that the environmentalists won the elections...

'How can I put this....?'

Tour de France champ Octave Lapize

'I made a list of bikes I want to look at today. You may want to eat before we go, as this may take awhile.'

Car on bike.

The Cone Ranger

School crossing

Test dummies in car, "Oh my god dave, look out for that wall!"

'Cover me whilst I cross the road...'

The best safety device is a rearview mirror with a cop car in it.

'With these new speed signs keeping traffic moving, we're not getting half the litigation work from accidents that we did before.'

'I knew this place wasn't all it was cracked up to be.'

Jacques Anquetil

Tour de France champion Jacques Anquetil

Motorbike with side car is chased by a dog with a side car.

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'It's from the Security Council of the PTA!'

'Would you mind throwing out some of your spare motorcycle parts? I'd like to park my car in the garage.'

'I've pumped them up to meet Government inflatory targets.'

"It's a very short cycle lane but I'm determined to use it."

Mark Cavendish for Isle of Man.

'Broken into? Didn't you lock the door?'