Big Data Enthusiast Gifts

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

The NSA organizes its new sprawling data farm based on the different types of web traffic...

"Mr Piper, after a comprehensive study of your social media data I think we have a clear definition of your core audience."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

"We're looking for an accountant who can use ChatGPT creatively."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

Aggression/Security

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'Remind me to never again ask him what he learned in school.'

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

Information about information about information about information.

'That one is a bit more expensive, but it comes with a profit.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

"Profits lately have been spiraling downward."

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'