Big Data Buff Gifts

'Let me introduce you to James, our data steward, Bill, our data custodian, and 'Moose,' our data bodyguard.'

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

'You know when people have been good or bad - you'd be perfect for our data mining team!'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

Aggression/Security

"We're looking for an accountant who can use ChatGPT creatively."

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'Remind me to never again ask him what he learned in school.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

Information about information about information about information.

'That one is a bit more expensive, but it comes with a profit.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'

"Profits lately have been spiraling downward."

Man stabbed by fallin arrow on wall chart.