Bible Study Star Gifts

'Does he need to do the robot every time he gets a bible study question right?'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"You call this a constitution?"

"I've got writer's block."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I've outgrown my backpack."

The World's Biggest Book Club

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

"What did Jesus order?"

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

King Solomon's Pollster.

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

'Please take your receipt!'

Bigger Brain

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

'Don't you think they'd be better off in the water?'

'These don't apply ex post facto, do they?'

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

'Nothing about equal opportunity?'