Bible Chuckler Gifts

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"...lettuce pray."

'I always thought that church mouse thing was just a figure of speech.'

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

Various Birds of Pray.

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."