Bible Basher Pillows

'We'll need a supreme court or something to interpret these.'

I wish you kids would get off your electronics and learn a practical skill. Work with your hands! What does he think we're doing?!! Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

Dictator, Interrupted

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

Extreme Birthdays.

"Help!"

"Wasn't it follow one star to Bethlehem?"

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

Soccer Fans.

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

Dictator, Interrupted

"Even Voldemort wouldn't drown a whole planet."

Lost dog/Lost Sheep posters

"Most of the apostles can make it but Thomas is doubtful"

Jerusalem's Got Talent

Holy Water and Ice Blocks

'Don't panic Big Guy, I'm just here to cut you down to size.'

"Hahaha! What's wrong Dorky Nerdmire? That's your name isn't it?"

"Genesis" "*The King Gus Version"

Adam AND Eve? --- That should thicken the plot!

Censorship.

You stink at Halo 5. I have no thumbs!

This is a new talking copier, you've pushed the wrong button, mutton head!

'The traffic wardens around here are absolute b**tards.'

'Sorry, no carbs.'

'I don't want to read 'Great Books'. Too much pressure.'

"So kind of him to let us have the guest ark all to ourselves."

"I remember when walls weren't so bossy."

After his football career, Bobby 'Header King' Grunz found a satisfying new job.

"Your bible says disobedient children should be stoned to death. Won't you agree that capital punishment is an improper parenting technique?"

'Ha, water from the sky indeed. What's next, I wonder? Colors in the sky in the shape of an arc? This guy's a real whack job."

"And the rest is history..."