Biblical Banterer Pillows

'Sorry, no carbs.'

'Ha, water from the sky indeed. What's next, I wonder? Colors in the sky in the shape of an arc? This guy's a real whack job."

"Your bible says disobedient children should be stoned to death. Won't you agree that capital punishment is an improper parenting technique?"

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Moses separating his Laundry.

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Ghostwriting the Bible

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

The Older Testament: An Origin Story

"It's got 128 KB of Ram, 64 KB or Rom, and a spell checker for when you invent writing."

"I really don't care what yours says. My weather app says rain for 40 days and 40 nights. I think you should probably go with that, Noah."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

The Second Fall of Man.r