Biblical Banter Fans Pillows

'The middle east eh! See somebody's wife has been turned into a pillar of salt, the Hittites are at it again, a load of slaves have escaped fro Egypt by parting the sea, and some lot have destroyed the walls of Jericho with trumpets, when will ever end?'

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Ghostwriting the Bible

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Have your people call my people."

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

"Don't forget the screenplay."

"Jesus is talking again with the tax collectors. We must be close to the fiscal year end."

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

Moses and the bridge.