Biblical Banterers Pillows

"A world-wide flood? -- Couldn't you just get rid of everybody by attrition?"

"Now are you happy?"

Ghostwriting the Bible

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

"Does the ark have wifi?"

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

Lesbians for Christ

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

'Did You say 'ark' or 'ork'?'

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Two for Bethlehem, I assume you want a Virgin flight."

"Oooh! What's he gonna do now?!"

'And He sayeth unto me, 'Behold this second set of my commandments, rendered in stone, large-print edition...''

"The dove certainly helped, but GPS really nailed it."

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

Moses after forty years in the desserts...

'Life is becoming more and more expensive.'

"I'm getting real sick of picking up your laundry, Adam."

'On that Noah thing, just rinse and repeat as necessary.'

'I said, 'Roses.' Stop and smell the Roses!'

"Jesus, walking on top of the water does not count as a bath."

"Having bitten the apple I think we should cover our phones with fig-leaves."

'You went and ate in the apple orchard, didn't you?'

"The disciples are gonna be totally freaked."

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

Turtles and snails boarding Noah's Ark.

"Hi. I'm Rod. And this is my staff."

'Who was Noah's wife?'