Biblical Banter Lover Pillows

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

'The real reason' "no,forget it...let Judas pay for supper"

"The dove certainly helped, but GPS really nailed it."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Do you think that's wise?'

Ghostwriting the Bible

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Have your people call my people."

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"