Ego Basher Pillows

'Don't panic Big Guy, I'm just here to cut you down to size.'

I wish you kids would get off your electronics and learn a practical skill. Work with your hands! What does he think we're doing?!! Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.

Dictator, Interrupted

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'

'You think you're better than me, don't you?'

Extreme Birthdays.

"Help!"

"I like the big screen TV, but it makes my bass seem so small."

"Remember, Jeremy, thou art immortal."

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

Soccer Fans.

Dictator, Interrupted

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

"Remember, son, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and anyone who says 'Beer me' as far away as possible."

"I'll be back later, dear. I'm going out to build some humility."

This is a new talking copier, you've pushed the wrong button, mutton head!

You stink at Halo 5. I have no thumbs!

'Maybe this would work better if we tried exinguishing each OTHER'S egos.'

"He's been impossible ever since his promotion."

Censorship.

"When they used him on a NASA shuttle, it gave him a big head!"

'The traffic wardens around here are absolute b**tards.'

'I don't want to read 'Great Books'. Too much pressure.'

'We'll need a supreme court or something to interpret these.'

"Do you know who I am!"

After his football career, Bobby 'Header King' Grunz found a satisfying new job.

"I remember when walls weren't so bossy."

"Do you have any idea who I am?"

"My skyscraper's taller than yours."

Sir Dudley Emerson-Evans-personal description

'Now, the first thing is for you to extinguish your ego.' 'What? -- little old me?'

'Get some ice! His ego is swollen!'

Sorry, answers are on another number...

'Now, let's just say the fan in Row C, Seat 4, is on your case. You just punch the coordinates into the computer...'