Betting Shop Humorist Gifts

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

Money Bar.

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

White Collar Crime.

The Euro - R.I.P.

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

"The margin of error is plus or minus one hundred percent."

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"He downgraded Apple."

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

"Now you know how Daddy feels when Mommy overdraws the checkbook."

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'Right here is when things really started to move.'

'Would you please wipe away this difference?'