Bestseller Enthusiasts T-Shirts

Woman reads book entitled: '101 reasons to postpone your diet.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Thomas Mann.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Reading my Critics

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Television Readers.

Silence of the Chickens...

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Characters jumping out of a book.

"I try to write a little bit every day."

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

Iris Murdoch

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

'Meet the author with her collaborators'

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'He was a great writer'

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

My Literary Influences

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

Editor.

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.