Beer Theorist Gifts

"'Ere -what's YOUR problem...?"

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

Beer Stall

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

Lightest beer on the market. Carbonated with helium.

A Poet

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"...an excellent fighting lager with just a hint of park bench."

'Bitter.' 'Anything else?' 'Yea - twisted.'

The screaming fart.

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

I feel great! You're a brilliant psychiatrist, Dr. Pukachkin! The name's Kapuchnik, Al

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

'Why bother recreating the 5,000-year-old recipe fo the ancient Egyptians, when there's already one that old at the back of the fridge?'

''Evening, Bob - the usual?'

Beer versus Wine

Scariest Tactics

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

I'm actually here as part of an ongoing quest to find the ideal form of analysis. Freudian didn't work, and Jungian didn't help, so I thought I'd try Pabstian.

"You can't wear that to a wine and cheese party!"

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

Recreational and Medicinal Wines

'To do this job effectively, you've got to be well educated I speak Heineken, Beck's, Guinness, Stella Artois, Tuborg,,,'

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."

"There, but for the wrath of my wife, go I."

'Why did God create alcohohol?'

'That's dog years, pal, you have to times everything by seven...'

"No, it's not funny. But it's in the tradition of funny."

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'