Bedtime Story Rebel Gifts

And lived happily ever after? That's nice...now tell me the unauthorised version!

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'And you're telling me this, why?'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"Well did he?"

"Name your sources."

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."