Bedtime Story Rebel Pillows

And lived happily ever after? That's nice...now tell me the unauthorised version!

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Well did he?"

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'