Bedtime Narrative Breaker Pillows

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'She's just great with the children.'

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."