Bedtime Narrative Breaker Gifts

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

Dog Nightmares

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'She's just great with the children.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"Name your sources."

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.