Bedtime Financier Gifts

"I'm afraid the price would make him toss and turn all night for months!"

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Swan Fairy Tales

'Where was the TSA?'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"I'm not napping yet, but I am getting ready to with a pre-nap warm up."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

"Time for bed, guys."

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

"Well did he?"

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

"Think about the honey."

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

'A bed just isn't the same without a person in it.'

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

Fairtale prosecutions.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

"Houston, we have a problem!"

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'