Bedtime Financier Gifts

"I'm afraid the price would make him toss and turn all night for months!"

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Swan Fairy Tales

'Where was the TSA?'

"I'm not napping yet, but I am getting ready to with a pre-nap warm up."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

"Well did he?"

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

"Time for bed, guys."

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

'A bed just isn't the same without a person in it.'

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

"Think about the honey."

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

Fairtale prosecutions.

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"Houston, we have a problem!"

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'