Bedtime Boundary Setter Gifts

"I'm fine with you self-isolating, but must you bring your work to bed?"

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Swan Fairy Tales

Relationship Warning Lights

'Where was the TSA?'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Time for bed, guys."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

Bedroom Traffic Control

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

Fairtale prosecutions.

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

'Hey, get out of my space!'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'