Bedtime Boundary Setter T-Shirts

"I'm fine with you self-isolating, but must you bring your work to bed?"

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

Swan Fairy Tales

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Relationship Warning Lights

'Where was the TSA?'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

"Time for bed, guys."

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

Bedroom Traffic Control

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

Fairtale prosecutions.

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

'Hey, get out of my space!'

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'