Bedside Speaker Gifts

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Talk nerdy to me."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"I feel like that I've been given a unique oppurtunity to speak out on issues."

Doctors Discussion

Get well soon!

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'You're not listening to what you're hearing.'

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

"I find this helps, when I have to tell a patient some devastating news."

'I love my mobile.'

'I've called maintenance about your bed, Mr. Grimes...Mr. Grimes?'

Heyyy, don't worry about a thing. One more energy drink and I'll have you sliced and sutured in no time!

He's a brilliant doctor, but his bedside manner needs work…

'Actually, you're my second patient if you count that cadaver in med school.'

'It's alright for you - you're going home today!'

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?"

"The doctor is a little squeamish, so don't mention anything gross."

'It's called the Sub-Woofer 1200EX. It's designed specifically for the 16-24 year old driver.'

'We got your test results back. Read it and weep.' Bedside bloopers

"It looks like the internal bleeding should - I'm sorry. It's taking everything in my power not to tickle you right now."

"I've a patient who needs a 'chat'...have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in a lighthearted, supportive but not disempowering manner' course?"

"I'm recommending a transplant. I'm transplanting you to another hospital."

"We have to stop meeting this way, Allison!"

"I'd rain back on that Hannibal Lecter and give it more Mother Theresa."

"Surely they can't all be tell-alls..."

"If the medical treatment doesn't work, I sing them songs about medical treatment."