Bed Sheet Collector Gifts

'I don't know a darn thing about the meaning of life. I was robbed and left here with nothing but a bed sheet.'

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Handbag store - "Perfect."

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

Black Belt/Yellow Belt/Green Belt/No Belt.

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

Whiskers realized he'd grown tired of the rat race.

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Utility Chic.

Shall I be mother?

'Music & Gym'

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

A businessman waits for an elevator; on his briefcase are two stickers reading "Up" and "Down".

Robert Drake

"I don't want to play for the audience. I want to play for the fans."

'Then a window popped up and asked, 'Are you sure you want to empty trash?' I shouldn't have clicked 'okeydokey.''

Gramaphone Man.

A saxophone player reads music that says, 'Dade, dade, dade, dade, dade, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' with the eeeeeeees falling off the music stand onto the floor.

"You know, turning a hobby into a job kinda takes all the fun out of it."

Baby blanket.

Piano Prompt

"Sure, I may be over the top, but at least I'm not underhanded like him!"

"You put your family in with the aluminum cans again, Mrs. Price."

'See? I told you that it was a bad idea to pitch our tent at Camp Giant Eagle! Say . . .isn't that MY pillow?'

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

"What's that smell?" "A paper cut."

Mixed Marriage: Downhill Racer.

Typical...You don't see one for weeks then they all arrive together.'

'Look dear - the first skip of spring...'

"What the hell's going on here ... ?"

'You're just in time. But your attaché case is late again.'

"I stopped recycling after my garbage guy slipped me the number of the nearest AA branch."

"This isn't for me - it's for the economy."