Beauty Contest Veteran Gifts

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

The return of Miss Subways

Hospital gown pageant.

Linda Carter played Wonder Woman on the odl TV show. Her dad was Irish-American and her mom was Mexican-American. Before that, she was Miss World USA. Before that, she was forced by her abuelita to eat beauty and muscle foods like rice and beans."

Circus Pageant

Future beauty pageant contestants' Christmas wish.

"Congratulations to Miss Jupiter."

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

'I'm your new editor and not only is this cartoon the funniest one ever made, but it also discovered the cure for cancer and exposes a new,safe and free energy source and it's brought an end to religious wars and that turns me on and I use...'

"Naturally curly hair."

"Yes. I think I've got enough for a man bun."

Model's aspirations

'Weren't they the ones who had wished for world peace?'

'I wonder if I would be allowed to wear a baseball cap.'

Miss America IQ pageant.

“It’s the same everywhere: body over brains.”

Dear Diary, today I'm feeling beautiful...

Beauty contest

'In our class's Christmas pageant, I'm playing the department store manager.'

Now in its 27th year - Sirens with Original Cast.

Favorite author? Whoever wrote the Bible.

Meet Miss Subways

'Welcome to the Miss Universe Pageant! And for the 62nd year in a row, Miss Bermuda is mysterious missing!'

Blank Inside

"Hi. My name is Tanya and, if elected, my agenda will be cheddar! Cheddar, cheddar, cheddar!!"

'As the new Miss Individual I shouldn't care what you think.'

Beauty Contest

Doris always made a big impact in the swimwear section of the beauty contest

'We've decided to skip the swimsuit competition on account of how disgusting we all look.'

In this pageant contestants must knowingly provide incorrect responses to questions. Ah, "Miss Information"!

"I'm Miss Missouri, but my goal is to become Miss California."

"I do believe that story gets more 'n' more interesting every time I hear it, Mr. Van Winkle! Why, a natural born performer like yourself couldn't help but make a wonderful Father Christmas in this year's pageant!"

Sweet bird of youth annual pageant