Beauty Contest Veteran Gifts

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

The return of Miss Subways

Circus Pageant

"Naturally curly hair."

'I'm your new editor and not only is this cartoon the funniest one ever made, but it also discovered the cure for cancer and exposes a new,safe and free energy source and it's brought an end to religious wars and that turns me on and I use...'

"Congratulations to Miss Jupiter."

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

Model's aspirations

'Weren't they the ones who had wished for world peace?'

'I wonder if I would be allowed to wear a baseball cap.'

Now in its 27th year - Sirens with Original Cast.

Miss America IQ pageant.

“It’s the same everywhere: body over brains.”

'In our class's Christmas pageant, I'm playing the department store manager.'

Beauty contest

Dear Diary, today I'm feeling beautiful...

Favorite author? Whoever wrote the Bible.

"Hi. My name is Tanya and, if elected, my agenda will be cheddar! Cheddar, cheddar, cheddar!!"

Doris always made a big impact in the swimwear section of the beauty contest

Blank Inside

'Welcome to the Miss Universe Pageant! And for the 62nd year in a row, Miss Bermuda is mysterious missing!'

'As the new Miss Individual I shouldn't care what you think.'

Beauty Contest

Meet Miss Subways

'We've decided to skip the swimsuit competition on account of how disgusting we all look.'

"I'm Miss Missouri, but my goal is to become Miss California."

The Misinformed Pageant - "The capital of Mexico is Mexico town..." "The duck is the largest flightless bird..." "Consuming buttered scones can lead to pregnancy."

Dreams of being a beauty queen

"I do believe that story gets more 'n' more interesting every time I hear it, Mr. Van Winkle! Why, a natural born performer like yourself couldn't help but make a wonderful Father Christmas in this year's pageant!"